Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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