omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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