You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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