he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
