did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
