Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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