May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
