so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
