So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
