it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
