Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
