New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
