I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
