I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
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I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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