I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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