I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
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He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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