Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
