I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
