I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
