Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
