i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
