so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
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Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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