I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
