I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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