Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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