the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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