He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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