he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
