somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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