There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
