Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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