Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
