What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
