Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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