I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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