Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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