There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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