Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
