420 ftw
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
