i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
