Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
