i just google imaged poop.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
