I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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