K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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