So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
