You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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