tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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