My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
