Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
