Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
