did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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