You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
