There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I would ride that face into the sunset
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
