I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
