You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
