so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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