Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
someone owes me an orgasm
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
