What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
