Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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