so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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