she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
They have beer where we have blood.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
