There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
