She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
