I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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