Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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