would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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