Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
