Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
