Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
