She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
