What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
