belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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