Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
