I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
