I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
