hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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