Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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