i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize