Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
